Dear cat, dearest little kitty-cat, the most whitest cat who has ever graced this earth, long may you grace us with your presence,
We love you, we really do. We feed you, we provide you with a nice box for your convenience. SO WHY DID YOU TAKE A SHIT NEXT TO THE BED THREE TIMES LAST WEEK? Are you going senile? After all, you will be turning 16 this year. We admit, that’s a very respectable age for a cat. But seriously, this behaviour has us worried. Is everything all right with you?
Signed, your loving family.
P.S. Please use the box, before one of goes ballistic about having to clean up your shit. Again.